In Deadpool With a System [19]

“I’m not asking for a luxury suite. I know you can’t pull that off. But at the very least, get me a room with a private bathroom where I can shower.”

The escort was silent for a moment, running through the available options in his head. There were rooms like that, though not many. He himself had one.

“…Fine.”

Reluctantly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. Just as he was about to unlock the cell, his phone suddenly rang. He frowned, slipping the key back into his pocket before answering.

The call lasted only five seconds. Whatever was said, it made him pause.

“So,” Dane leaned against the bars, watching him closely. “Have you decided where my room’s gonna be?”

“Of course, I’ve decided.” The escort suddenly flashed the same smug grin he had at the beginning. “From now on, you’ll be staying here forever.”

“I’ll be staying here forever?!” Dane widened his eyes in exaggerated shock, playing up his reaction.

Seeing Dane’s expression, the escort’s grin stretched even wider. “That’s right. You’ll never leave this place.”

Dane’s face shifted from surprise to calm acceptance in an instant. “Well, if I’m gonna be here forever, at least get me a cellmate who’s fair-skinned, beautiful, and has long legs.”

[The escort is baffled that you don’t seem afraid at all.]

[Even now, you’re making requests for a beautiful cellmate.]

[Undying Resistance +20 (Current Undying Resistance: 100)]

[Undying Resistance has reached 100. Unlocking Immortality – Stage One. As long as any part of your body remains, your consciousness will never fade.]

“Enough with your nonsense. You’re about to suffer.”

Dane tilted his head. “So all it took was a phone call to turn you into a whole different person? What, did someone give you the go-ahead to act tough?”

“The call was from Ajax.” The escort’s voice was colder now. “He said you’re no longer useful.”

With that, he pulled a small device from his pocket—something that looked like a car key fob—and pressed a button while aiming it at the man in the pink tank top.

Beep!

The red light on the collar around the tank top man’s neck turned green.

“Joe, I’ve lifted your restrictions. Go ahead and have some fun with him.”

Pocketing the device, the escort turned and left, not even bothering to watch what would happen next. He didn’t need to—he already knew how this would end.

“Heh heh…”

A low chuckle echoed from behind Dane. His instincts flared, and he spun around, immediately shifting his posture to cover his backside.

Joe grinned as he slowly stepped forward.

“Wait, Joe, we just met. No need to get too close, right?”

Joe ignored him, his grin widening. “It’s been so long… so long…”

“I get that it’s been a while, but still, you can’t just jump on the first guy you see! Look, when I get out of here, I’ll find you a nice girlfriend. What do you think about angels?”

[Joe is offended that you think he’s into men.]

[Now he wants to kill you even more.]

[Endurance +15 (Current Endurance: 115)]

“I haven’t killed anyone in so long. Finally, I get to hear screams again.”

“You want to hear screams? I can scream for you, no problem. No need to kill me for that.”

[That actually makes sense.]

[But Joe isn’t satisfied. He wants something real.]

[Healing Factor +10 (Current Healing Factor: 70)]

“Trust me, my screams will be very convincing.”

Joe was done listening. His grin vanished as he lunged forward, arms outstretched to grab Dane’s throat.

But Dane dropped into a crouch at the last second. His hands shot out, gripping Joe’s ankles, and with a sudden, explosive pull—enhanced by his double-strength bonus—he flipped Joe’s entire 200-pound frame off the ground.

Joe hit the floor with a heavy thud.

Without hesitation, Dane followed up, driving a fist directly into Joe’s solar plexus, right below his ribcage.

One punch wasn’t enough. Another one followed. And another.

Four. Five. Each strike landed with brutal force, sending shockwaves through Joe’s body.

Finally, Dane stopped, breathing hard. He was sure he had him now.

But when he looked down—Joe was still smiling. There wasn’t even a flicker of pain on his face.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you like Ajax—completely unable to feel pain?”

Joe grinned, shaking his head. “Not at all. Your punches are just too soft.”

Before Dane could react, Joe suddenly retracted his legs and kicked out with explosive force. The impact sent Dane flying into the air, his back slamming hard against the ceiling.

As he fell, Joe intercepted him midair, driving a knee straight into his abdomen.

The brutal blow forced blood from Dane’s mouth, but thanks to his high endurance, minor healing factor, and undying body, he remained conscious. If it had been anyone else, they’d be dead already.

“Not bad. You’re still alive.”

Seeing Dane curled up on the floor, clutching his stomach, Joe’s interest only grew. He didn’t want to kill him quickly anymore—he wanted to enjoy this.

“Damn it… I might be immortal, but this pain is killing me! When the hell do I get some pain resistance?”

[Good suggestion.]

[Pain Resistance +10 (Current Pain Resistance: 10)]

“While we’re at it, how about some Phoenix Force? Or maybe Chaos Energy?”

[You’re dreaming too much.]

[Bowel Control +10 (Current Bowel Control: 110)]

Joe frowned. “What the hell are you mumbling about? Get up!”

Instead of standing, Dane shifted onto his side and pointed his rear directly at Joe.

A moment later, a thick cloud of gas erupted from him like a mortar shell, striking Joe’s face head-on.

Joe’s expression instantly turned green. His stomach twisted violently, and before he could stop it, a wave of nausea surged up his throat.

With a loud retch, he vomited all over the floor.

Dane seized the moment. As Joe bent over, gagging, Dane spun into a sweeping kick, striking Joe’s ankles and sending him crashing onto his own puddle of vomit.

Joe didn’t get up immediately. Instead, he remained on the ground, heaving uncontrollably. His body trembled as another wave of bile forced its way up.

Seeing his opportunity, Dane lunged forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Joe’s neck in a rear-naked choke.

“Unless you’ve got a lighter in your pocket, you better stop struggling.”

[Even while choking him out, you’re offering combat advice.]

[Combat Technique +10 (Current Combat Technique: 10)]